I am a huge breastfeeding advocate, a recently self proclaimed lactavist. However, I fully admit, I don’t always like it. Yep, I said it. I do not always enjoy breastfeeding.
I love the closeness and the way she looks at me when she’s eating. I love the way she flings her feet in the air for me to play with her toes. I love our sleepy snuggles and its convenience. But for me, it’s also time consuming, demanding (physically and emotionally) and sometimes uncomfortable. Not to mention, I haven’t slept more than 4 hours at a time in I don’t even know how long. I fantasize about giving her a bottle or rather, daddy giving her a bottle so my boobs could get a break and I could get some much needed sleep.
So I've also been wondering, where are all you breastfeeding women? I have yet to see one single momma nursing in public in the last 9 months, and yes, I am constantly on the look out! We need to see more women breastfeeding and normalize it! It's what our boobs were made for! I know for me I still sometimes feel uncomfortable but I think that maybe if just one momma saw me nursing in public maybe it would give her the confidence to do it also.
I caught myself, the other day while I was shopping, squeezing my boobs. Oh come on, if you breastfeed or have in the past, you know what I’m talking about. A quick squeeze to see if they are full or what side is fuller. LOL Hmm, I wonder if I have unknowingly done that at work? I have walked around work, I don't know how many times, with the nursing bra 'flap' unhooked. Such is the life of a ‘breast feeder’.
Speaking of work, I work full time outside of the house right now so I am also pumping during the day at work. That is a whole separate adventure. I am lucky though and have a room with a lock, sink and outlet where I can pump privately. A few weeks ago though, I finished pumping and went to open the door and the lock fell inside the door handle and I was locked inside this tiny room. I panicked, naturally, cus that’s what I do best. Eventually, I freed myself, after a few minutes of messing with the handle. Our maintenance guys at work are awesome and promptly replaced the door knob. I’m still nervous every time I go in there now though. I will not miss my pump once I hang up those horns!
And so, with all that said, I have absolutely no intentions of stopping breastfeeding, it’s an empowering and wonderful bonding experience and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Kinley will wean when she is ready....and hopefully she'll be gentle with me.
